how we’re surviving the first month.

Day 11. We’re hanging in there, friends! If the title of Week One was “Shock,” then Week Two is “Reality” (which can be seen on Noah’s pouty face above and my haggard one). Reality includes David returning to work yesterday. Which is both overwhelming and good in that we all needed some normalcy in our lives.

Here’s our game plan for this first month with our little guys:

1. Home is a safe place.
The wisdom we gleaned on healthy attaching caused us to decide to avoid having visitors to our home this first month. With the exception of limited family visits, we’re trying to communicate to our boys that home is a safe place, a refuge. We want lots of quiet, unhurried time for them to bond with us and their brother and sister.

Now, having said that, we do take outings. Not huge, long outings — not to grocery stores or Target or crowded places (sounds like a recipe for a melt-down to me). We do parks or a friend’s backyard or roam at the river (all of which the boys love). Sunday was our first time at church as a family of six and it went great. We went to the early service, which is less crowded, and I plan to stay in the nursery with them for a few weeks. So we’re venturing out and about, but also spending the majority of our hours at home.

I look with wonder on the last two years of my life, and all the wrestling and lessons learned about living a life of Purposeful Simplicity. I see so clearly how God was helping prepare me to welcome home two little boys in need of stability. Yes, it is a shock. Yes, it has completely changed my social life. But God has already done so much of the groundwork in my heart to be content with a simple, quiet life.

2. Consistency and routine.
More advice we got said, “Routine, routine, routine.” And so from Day 1 with Gabriel and Noah we’ve followed a fairly predictable schedule: wake-up, eat meals, go to sleep, have baths at the same time. We tell the boys what’s coming up next in our day. David and I make sure we both tuck them in bed every night.

In addition to routine, it became very obvious from the beginning that the boys desperately need some boundaries. Letting them do and have whatever they wanted whenever they wanted was making them and everyone else miserable. And so while there was a period of easing into discipline, they now have to follow rules in our house, and there are consequences if they don’t.

This has been the most amazing part of the last 11 days for us to witness. Of course there are battles, but these little guys have flourished with limitations. They are happier. They are more affectionate with us, with Judah and Amie, even with each other. They are so smart. As we are careful to be consistent (and as David and I agree to stay on the same page), they are doing incredibly well learning to obey. I am so, so proud of them.

3. Fun for the big kids.
If someone asks me right now what I need most, I say, “Show some love to my big kids!” David and I do our best, but our attention is so divided right now. We’re thrilled when people take Judah and Amie out to do special things like have a play date or sleepover with grandparents (heck, it doesn’t have to be much: one friend picked Judah up to stop at the park and do a Trader Joe’s run, and he was thrilled), and quite honestly, they need the break from their brothers. In addition, we need this time to spend with Gabriel and Noah, to bond with them. David and I laugh at how much easier life already feels with just two kids.

4. Meals!
Another way we’re surviving is not having to cook. Three times a week folks drop off meals to Steve and Linda’s house up the road. Not having to think about meal plans or preparing dinner right now is an enormous help. And we are getting to try so many fun new recipes!

The reason David and I knew that we could realistically adopt two children instead of one (or adopt at all) is our support system. We’re amazed by the community God has surrounded us with here in Columbia, among our church, our family, and friends. And they have all come through in the last two weeks — without us even having to ask. We’re so humbled by this love, and the way they’ve embraced Gabriel and Noah as two of their own, no questions asked.

5. Self-care.
We’re working hard to take care of our marriage and take care of ourselves. So hard, in fact, that I’m now running consistently! I have to laugh that I will now do anything to get out of my house, even exercise. Seriously though, it’s a great stress relief and I love those quiet moments all to myself.

Because we made consistent sleep for the boys our first order of business, I also have an hour in the afternoon while the boys nap and Judah and Amie play in their room (which is how I’m writing this blog post). We have evenings after about 8:00 too, but thus far are both totally useless to do anything beyond sit and stare blankly ahead. And then we go to bed, because one little guy likes to wake up at 6:00.

6. Prayer.
I should make this point first, not last. Don’t think of it as a tacked-on afterthought, but the foundation that undergirds all we’re doing. We could not survive this season without prayer. We know God is using you, even those of you who are far away and can’t bring meals or hang out with the big kids.

If you’re wondering how to specifically pray, you can safely assume that there is at least one point every day in which I feel very, very desperate and in need of patience I simply do not have. Beyond that, pray for bonding. Pray for Judah and Amie to adjust to their new life. Pray for wisdom in parenting decisions. Pray for precious Gabe and Noah to feel safe with us, to thrive. Pray for their birth mom. Pray for sibling bonding. Pray for David to get rest for long days at work. Oh, and please pray that I will somehow fit in the last 25 days of our school year!