day 3: a good thing turns bad.

One of the biggest passions of our church plant is growing relationships. We don’t have many programs because we want our people to pursue honest, meaningful relationships with their family, their church, their coworkers, and their neighbors. We want to create margins in our weekly schedule for time with people.

Knowing this when we started gathering our core group two years ago, I threw myself head-long into friendships and meeting neighbors. I wanted an open-door policy in our home. I wanted people to come to me any time they were struggling or needed to talk or just wanted to sit and laugh. I wanted us to cook and eat meals together. I wanted to meet with students and younger women. I wanted to stay connected with all my friends here in my home town. I wanted to host play dates. I wanted us all to do life together. And so I did it.

But somehow, all these relationships with wonderful people began to overwhelm me. We had people in our home constantly. I was perpetually distracted. Our kids were clingy and grumpy. Homeschooling was getting shoved aside day after day.

By dinner time I was so drained that I counted the minutes until Judah and Amie were tucked away in bed. I couldn’t sit and have a conversation with my husband; I just wanted to bury my head in a book and be alone.

And so after countless tearful conversations with David, asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and writing in my journal and listening to the counsel of others, I began to realize that by doing ministry without first understanding my purpose, a good thing in my life was turning bad.

I was saying “yes” to something great: relationships and hospitality. But by not having a vision or plan for those things, I ended up by default saying “no” to the really important things: my husband and kids and being still before God.

I began noticing other areas in my life where good things were turning bad without a defined purpose. And as sure as I saw them I knew: This isn’t the way I want to live.

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