what i learned this spring.

Happy Memorial Day and (for us) Happy Summer, dear blog friends!

By way of catching up, I thought I’d share with you some bits and pieces of what I’m learning right now.

 

I’ve learned that I spend a lot of time in the van.

It’s the season, of life, I know.

What blows my mind is that we played no sports this spring and my kids aren’t in traditional school, my mother-in-law helped me one day a week with various drop-offs, and I still felt like I spent gobs of time in the van all school year. I seriously don’t know how you do it, who juggle multiple sports and school events.

At the same time, we did have two co-ops, twice a week tutoring, normal errands and grocery shopping, the gym, church commitments, teaching Judah to drive, and orthodontist and dermatologist appointments — not to mention pediatrician and dentist this month.

I wrestled with this a lot. I really, really hate being in the car. I’m a homebody, and I’ve spent considerable amount of time during my kids growing up years ensuring that I’m not Mom/chauffeur.

But it’s the reality of our life right now, and I believe everything we’ve chosen to do is valuable. So I learned, very slowly, in fits and starts, how to make better use of the time rather than just constantly bemoan its inefficiency.

I use hours in the car to ask my kids good questions about their life and to let Judah give me a classic rock education. I memorize Scripture or prayed at traffic lights instead of reaching for my phone. I listened to an entire audiobook all by myself for the first time  (The Great Alone, by Kristin Hannah. Amazing, Amazing! Favorite novel of 2023 thus far).

I listen to a few podcasts, when I had margin for them. Too many in a row is information overload for me.

I drive in silence.

 

I’ve learned some of the Lazy Genius way.

I had so much fun reading The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen for the first time. I read The Lazy Genius blog years ago and enjoyed it, then fell off. I learned so much from both books — gathered some great tips for a little reset for home and chores — and here are my biggest takeaways for now:

– The Magic Question: Throughout the day, I ask myself, “What can I do right now that will make _____ easier?” (Dinner, bedtime, school tomorrow, etc). Can I salt the chicken breasts for dinner? Pull the slow cooker down from the cabinet over the fridge? Write the boys’ school lists in their spiral notebooks? Change into my workout clothes so I’m not tempted to skip my class at the gym? Sort the laundry into piles?

Asking this simple questions enables me to better use the little free moments during the day, and it also reveals that typically the most daunting part of any chore is the beginning. If I tackle those first couple steps, I don’t mind at all stepping right back into it when the time comes. It’s like doing myself a giant favor every day.

– My second takeaway was adding Kendra’s Change-Your-Life-Chicken into our dinner rotation. Guys, she’s not wrong: six out of six Gentinos agreed it did change our lives. It is such an easy, one-pan meal too. Here’s the recipe.

 

 

I’ve learned about the Next Right Thing guided journal.

While I’m gushing over the Lazy Genius, I’ll tell you I purchased this journal at Kendra’s recommendation on IG.

I find myself in a sort of in-between season with ending a fairly major time commitment of helping teach and lead our homeschool co-op, and also beginning a year off the church Women’s Ministry Team.

At the same time, Judah’s completing his freshman year of high school and Amie will be starting hers this fall. David and I are more aware than ever of the passage of time at home with our kids, of the years and the summers together, all six of us, slipping by almost too quickly. We are so excited for their futures, to see what God has in store for each of our children. But we also want to be present now, to be making the most of our days together now, to ask the Lord what He wants us to teach and show them and to keep looking for ways to have fun and make memories together.

And so when Kendra described the journal I knew, That’s what I need.

It’s a way to reflect and process on each season in a full year, month-by-month, to choose priorities and rhythms that matter. It won’t replace my regular journal, which is used for written prayers and quotes and a smattering of actually recording my days, nor does it replace a day-planner. I guess it’s more of a big-picture tool for how to make good choices with my time.

 

I’ve learned that I’m an Enneagram 2.

I made the rather earth-shattering realization in the last couple years that I am in fact an Enneagram Type Two: The Helper, not a Type One: The Reformer. Actually, my therapist told me, “You’re an Enneagram Two.” Then, after sharing a little testimony with a group of girl friends at the beach this month they also told me, “From the struggles you describe, it sounds like you’re an Enneagram Two.”

So in the last couple weeks I pulled down my Enneagram books from the living room bookshelf and took a deep dive into learning about the Two. And all the pieces fit. I can’t explain why exactly this is a major identity shift for me (you yourself may be asking, what’s the big deal with knowing for sure your Enneagram number?). But it’s like I suddenly see myself with new eyes.

I think the biggest shock of all is that it exposes how much I have misunderstood myself all these years.

Which is quite a Two thing, apparently. Life is all about relationships for Twos; we define ourselves in terms of relationship. But what that means is that while being highly attuned to the emotions and needs of others — and therefore often considered very emotionally and self-aware — we aren’t very aware of our own emotions and needs.

We may struggle to know who we even are apart from the close relationships in we life; to name what we want and need. It kind of makes me laugh that it even took two separate groups of people to tell me what number I am, rather than me figuring it out for myself.

This lack of self-awareness has created perpetual cycles of stress and burnout and angst in my life.

I try to manage too many relationships. I want to help all.the.people, to be friends with all.the.people. I over-commit, then get exhausted and resentful. I don’t know how to explain what I need to my husband, yet I blame him for taking me for granted, for failing to read my mind. After a recent heated argument (because our arguments are always heated, because I stuff and minimize my feelings until they just boil over), I told him in despair, “Something is really wrong with me. I just don’t know what it is!!”

I try to blame it on the pressures of being a pastor’s family, but deep down I know that’s not true. What’s true is, I’d be this way no matter what job my husband had.

Now I know. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m an Enneagram Two. Probably a bit of an unhealthy Two at this very moment, if I’m going to be honest.

I think at the root of it all is a childhood message I adopted at some point that emotions are bad. I needed to “toughen up.” So I’ve stuffed emotions and looked down on those who I perceive to read the world through their emotions (I’m very, very sorry to my Enneagram Two friends, who, by the way, are some of my best friends in the world). I’ve thought of it as a “weaker number.” Which is exactly what the Enneagram experts tell you never to do — judge other numbers. There are no “good” or “bad” Enneagram numbers.

Now I see that I subconsciously judged Twos because I hated that part of myself that I perceive as weak and needy, with limitations. I was judging myself.

And for some reason, this knowledge brings a tremendous feeling of relief. It’s okay. I’m not as tough as I thought I was. Actually I shouldn’t say that at all because emotions are not weak. There is incredible strength in naming and feeling and using emotions in healthy ways. Isn’t that what King David did? And Jesus? And the apostle Paul?

I’m truly only beginning this journey of knowing myself better, of knowing how to truly love others from a place of peace instead of using them to fill my needs of affirmation and identity. But I’m feeling hopeful.

 

I’ve learned how to replace a baby fawn that has strayed from the wild.

You didn’t expect me to go there next, did you?

Well, here’s the story.

We were swimming at my aunt and uncle’s community pool with our family, and all stopped and commented on a gorgeous dalmation-patched Great Dane, who was being walked by a small boy about Noah’s age. Then a moment later, we said, “And look! A little puppy following them!”

But, lo and behold, it wasn’t a puppy.

It was a tiny baby fawn!

That little fawn sprang out of the woods bordering the condominiums and marched right after the enormous dog, wagging it’s tail. Yes! Fawns wag their tails.

We were mesmerized.

I was very hesitant for any of us to touch it as we all know that’s not a good thing for baby wild animals, but there was a fence between the fawn and the woods. Before I knew it, David had scooped her up and was cradling her, begging me to let us keep it.

 

 

So I called the Wildlife Rescue line.

Now I come to what I learned and I will share it gladly with you in case you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

Doe’s leave their fawns during the day to go hunt for food. There are usually two fawns; it was rare that this baby girl was all by herself. The mama will often leave her babies close to civilization because she reasons that predators are less likely to be where people live. Isn’t that smart?

It’s actually common for the babies to jump up and try to follow dogs or people if they see them.

So the person on the phone asked us to take her back to the woods and find a safe hiding spot and lay her down with all four legs tucked under her. That’s the way her mama left her. Then walk quickly away.

We did just that, but not before that little fawn was swarmed by various members of my family, including my aunt who brought her a cup of milk and my uncle who brought her a full salad (she couldn’t eat but after trying to nurse on different members of the family, lapped up some of the milk).

Then, David tucked her away in the woods. It took a couple of tries, because like other wild animals we’ve rescued, she had begun to think he was her mommy. But finally it worked.

My cousin checked on her the next morning; she was still there, alone. We were devastated. Again, more fervent requests for us to keep and raise the fawn. More heartless refusals from me. And the following day, we heard that she was gone. We’re all hoping very hard that her mama came back.

It was a very magical experience.

 

 

I learned to play The Game.

A friend had a game night for her birthday on Friday, and we played lots of Nertz. Then, I learned a new game, which is in fact called The Game.

It’s a numbers card game in which everyone is on the same team, trying to beat the game. That’s all I can really explain without showing you.

We borrowed her copy for the beach trip we took this weekend, then Gabe got it for his birthday. So now we can play all summer! We highly recommend it.

 

I learned how to do a dead lift.

That’s right! I did!

David, Judah, and Amie, work out at his gym, Baseline, every Friday morning, and last week they convinced me to come along. I was intimidated because people that work out at Baseline are, in my opinion, next level. I’ve put it off forever, but I’m glad I went because I realized it’s just my husband and his friends who are next level. There are in fact plenty of normal people there too.

So our friend Matt, who owns the gym, taught me how to do a dead lift! We don’t do those at EQ; the closest we get are RDL’s.

I was very, very sore the next day but felt proud of myself.

I’ve also learned that I need a new gym routine for the summer. I am not making it to classes regularly and that’s a problem. Hmmm… I’ll work on this one.

 

 

Okay that’s all for today. Here’s to lots more learning this summer.

If you made it to the end of this post, will you do something for me?

I’ve been so hit or miss here on the blog in recent years that I literally have no idea who still reads it. Will you let me know by a comment, a quick email (jgentino at gmail) or text? I know it sounds silly, but now that I have more free time I want to make a blogging schedule, and it helps me immensely to know my audience. It makes me feel likes its a conversation. See! An Enneagram Two for sure.