what are you feeding yourself?

This winter I read a book called You Who: Why You Matter and How to Deal With It, by Rachel Jankovic. It’s about our identity as Christians and how many of us seem to have lost sight of that identity and are drifting along, unsure of who we are.

As I read, I realized how much the values of the world shaped my approach to life.

This didn’t happen intentionally or consciously. I love God and I’m a sincere follower of Him — I’m in full-time ministry, for Pete’s sake. But somehow, as I read, I realized that even so, a whole set of values that’s foreign to God’s will had crept into my heart and taken hold. I felt dissonance because I was trying to obey the Lord but it just felt so difficult, like slogging uphill every single day, then slipping back down the gravelly path.

Well, I realized that it’s because there’s a direct correlation between what we fill our minds with, and our values. And there’s a direct correlation between our values and our actions.

I can say my values come from Scripture and Reformed theology, but the truth is, the things and people I actually fill my time with are the shapers of my values. If I’m filling my free time with Scripture and Reformed theology, then there’s a good chance that it’s impacting my life. But if I’m filling my time with social media, blogs, Netflix shows, and idle chatter with friends, then my heart is really shaped by those things.

That’s why the commands of the Bible feel so foreign to many Christians today. We make it so hard on ourselves! We spend 15 minutes a morning reading God’s Word (if that), listen to a sermon on Sunday, then go about the rest of our week gorging ourselves on the world’s voices and the world’s entertainment. They seep into our lives and shape us in unseen ways until they just begin to feel right.

And then, lo and behold, we’re watering down the commands of Christ in the name of “cultural relevancy,” even growing indignant at some of those commands, putting God on trial by the standards of culture and finding Him guilty.

This has become the normal Christian life.

I’m so glad I read You Who. Actually I’ve read it twice now. It explains in simple, down-to-earth language, how we arrived here as Christians — how we grew into this dissonance without ever realizing it — and what we can do about it.

Here’s one thing I did about it right away:

I changed what I was feeding myself.

I realized that it’s plain ridiculous to consume a steady diet of what the world loves, then pray at night that I’ll wake up tomorrow and love the things that God loves. It’s ridiculous to ask God to make me a less covetous person, then spending an hour each afternoon scrolling through Instagram, drooling over home design feeds. It’s ridiculous to ask God to make me less snarky and irritable with my kids, then spend my evening watching shows where people are snarky and irritable with each other.

These are prayers I needn’t expect God to answer.

There’s work I need to do if I want to see changes in my heart. How am I spending the small and not-so-small pockets of time I have in my day? What am I feeding myself?

Here’s a couple of things.

I’m reading through the whole Bible this year. I started last November and am pretty well on track, but if I don’t make it, I’m okay with that. I’ll press on and finish when I finish.

When I get to the not-so-fun sections in my Bible reading, like Numbers and Ezekiel, I tell the Lord, “This is Your holy Word. I value it because You value it, and I submit to it,” even if it doesn’t necessarily make me feel excited. With that mindset, it’s amazing how much I’m learning about the heart of God from passages that I’d normally skim right over.

It’s helped to choose this 52- week reading plan in which I read a different selection from the Bible each day of the week. That means I’m not spending the entire week in Numbers. And I get to see the connection between different parts of God’s Word. I’m also reading in The Message version this year, to switch things up.

A friend told me she started reading the entire Bible every year when she was 40 (i.e. when her kids were all school-age). She’s now 55; so this means she’s read the Bible 15 times. Can you imagine what a difference it makes in her life? I can tell you as her friend: it makes a difference.

When I’m in the car alone or folding laundry, I listen to the What Have You podcast with Rachel Jankovic and her sister, Bekah Merkle. I love this podcast. I’ve listened to these sisters for hours, and they’re influencing me. They’re feeding my soul with the gospel and showing me how to live it out in the small every day ways. Plus they talk about fun things like home renovations, knitting, and baking sourdough bread.

I’m reading missionary biographies. Susie Spurgeon got me started on this kick. You guys, if you need a little wisdom and perspective in your life — basically a good kick in the pants — just read missionary biographies. These folks were real and imperfect and still wholly committed to the work of the Lord. They lived lives of passion and purpose and as a result they were joyful, even in much suffering. They were so brave, brave in the things that matter for eternity. They loved people sacrificially. They remind me constantly that I am not the center of my life. God is. I’m apart of a much larger, grander story that stretched on before me and will continue after. I’ve been invited to participate as a tiny part of that story.

These are the primary voices I want in my life, not the latest Netflix comedy or Twitter controversy.

You may think spending my time in these ways would be boring. Don’t I feel so “out of touch” with everyone?

The answer is, surprising not.

FOMO is only a thing if you feed it by hankering after approval, attention, and popularity. When you spend your time around people who don’t care about missing out because they’re living for something totally different — whether it’s real-life friends, podcasts, or people in the pages of books — it starts to shape what you yourself care about.

I’m not saying I never want to watch a fun movie or show or look up kitchen design ideas on Pinterest. I do! But it’s become the exception, not the rule of my free time.

Surprisingly, I’m able to have lots of great friendships and meaningful conversations with a lot of different people without being caught up on what’s going on on the Internet or in the entertainment industry.

I’m a happier, freer person, and I feel really inspired right now to wake up and live my whole day surrendered to Jesus. Changing what I’m feeding myself leads to my prayers actually being answered — I am loving the things that God loves more and more. I’m growing more content with the things I have. I’m becoming less snarky and irritable with my children.

Rather being caught off guard and blind-sided by suffering again and again because I’m living in the value system of life being comfortable and entertaining, I’m now expecting hardship. Commands to expect suffering are everywhere in the New Testament.  The reason we’re continually surprised by suffering is that we’re studying a different script and thinking God ought to follow that script, rather than the one He has clearly and lovingly set out for us.

Real-life examples are throughout my missionary biographies and the other books I read. They are my new normal.

So because they’re my normal, I’m growing more able to accept the day to day challenges of life not going my way. I don’t feel so put out by that. This is the normal Christian life, this suffering and rejoicing and overcoming, in the power of the Spirit, this radical living for something much greater than myself.

It’s making a difference, you guys.

If you’re looking for greater joy, purpose, and freedom from being so wrapped up in the little dramas of your life, I challenge you to examine what you’re feeding yourself. God is not going to magically change you without you doing the hard work of making a diet change. It’s worth it, I promise.