wanting what i have (part two).

One of my very favorite things is when speakers or writers are practical, so I’m going to give you a few straightforward, practical ways that I’m learning the habit of being content.

1. Be a good steward of my stuff.
It sounds silly but I’ve found that when I’m discontent about my house, just about the best possible solution in the moment is to stop and clean my house.

When there are piles everywhere and the kitchen floor is covered with crumbs and the laundry’s overflowing and none of the beds are made, I find myself beginning to complain more about my house in general: There isn’t enough space . . . Everything’s a mess . . . If I step on one more Lego . . . !!!  I make the mistake of thinking that what I need is a different house or better things to make me like it more.

But most often what my house needs is not more stuff. What it needs is a little TLC. Mess is stressful because things get lost and tripped over and surfaces aren’t free for sitting. Do I enjoy cleaning? Not particularly. Are there at all times a dozen things I’d rather do than straighten up my house? Usually. But regular organizing and purging and cleaning peels back the layers of chaos and helps me remember why we chose this house in the first place. It gives us a space to relax in. It’s being a good steward.

While writing this blog post, I got convicted and stopped to spend an afternoon purging and organizing the kids’ bedroom. I used to have a habit of storing half their toys in plastic bins in the attic and rotating them out every couple months. We slacked off after we moved and lately, even with a bedroom overflowing with toys, Judah and Amie have been complaining and bored and asking when Christmas is coming so they can have new things.

So the three of us made a room-cleaning date on Friday afternoon. We went through every single toy box and bin. We emptied out their closet and their dresser. We made a trash bag, a giveaway bag, and two bins for the attic (I also took the opportunity to pack away their summer clothes). Yes, at some points there were great protestations. But now it’s done; their room looks great and they’ve been playing more peacefully ever since (with less than half the toys).

Getting more stuff does not makes me content. Being a good steward of my stuff makes me content.

2. Practice gratitude.
Gratitude is a habit that must be learned and practiced or it will slip away and you can be sure ingratitude will fill the void. Recently, during a frustrating day, I gave myself a time out and began writing a list of all the answered prayers I’m currently experiencing. And it was humbling — both because God is caring for me, and because I’m so quick to forget.

I’ve noticed how often I speak complaining, negative words about my life in conversation with friends rather than grateful words. This is hard to realize because you know what? My words reveal what’s in my heart. And in my heart, I too often want people to feel sorry for me. Or feel awed by how much I accomplish and what ministry I can do. I worry, deep down, that if I’m too happy with my life then it won’t look like I’m sacrificing enough for God.

The way of gratitude is the way of humility. It’s saying, “Everything about my life is a gift. I don’t deserve any of it. But I sure as heck am enjoying it.”

3. Limit advertising exposure.
I’ve avoided this one for awhile now with the excuse that it’s just plain legalistic. But recently I’m realizing that what I fill my mind with does have an effect on me. It’s hard to say, “I won’t think about the things I want right now,” when all day long I’m seeing things I want. Advertising used to mainly happen in the form of going to the mall or catalogues or television.

Now all day long I’m inundated with images of what I don’t have every time I use the internet. Even my email account and Facebook and favorite blogs happen to know what stores I prefer and daily announce sales and new products.

So I’m trying to start the hard work of limiting this exposure. I’m taking a break from Facebook. I’ve unsubscribed to my design blogs. For now, I’m checking my regular blogs no more than twice a week. Yes, sometimes it kills me to feel “left out,” to wonder what I’m missing. But in just a couple of weeks I’m already feeling way more content with my life (and interestingly enough way less guilty too).

4. Be friends with people who have less.
I’ve found that it’s very easy to get in a bubble by surrounding myself only with people who are just like me and people who have more than I do. This bubble distorts my view of reality. It makes me think of everything I don’t have, or think that I’m the one with a smallest house, fewest clothes, etc.

It is always, always better for me to have a variety of friends from a variety of races and economic backgrounds, for many different reasons. It gives me a fuller, more realistic view of the world.  It also gives me a fresh appreciation for what God’s blessed me with (and oh my goodness, when you started befriending people from other countries you’ll really realize how much you have). It also gives me a greater desire to share what I have with people who don’t have as much, because they’re no longer “the poor;” they’re a name and a face and a family.

5. Live below our means.
Our entire married life we’ve lived below our means. I have my husband alone to thank for this. There were many times (especially when we were both working full-time) that I just plain thought he was crazy and completely disagreed with the habit of spending so much less than we make. In case you haven’t figured out, I’m the spender in this relationship.

But I’m so very grateful for it now. David got a job out of college and worked many hours over-time every week for a year to pay off his student loans. And when we both worked, he made us live on just one salary so that we’d be ready for me to stop working when we had kids. Because we’d been practicing frugal living since we got married, it helped us be able to live on very little while in seminary, raising support, and living overseas.

This summer, our first house purchase was significantly less than what our bank told us we could afford to spend. It was a decision we made together before we even started house-hunting, and I haven’t regretted it yet. We didn’t buy a house in our favorite neighborhood and it doesn’t have every feature we wanted.

And yet we are very, very happy with our neighborhood and with our home. When we discover something annoying (like the mildew problem in the bathroom that necessitates twice-weekly scrubbing and I’m still losing the battle . . .), there’s much less pressure because we knew from the beginning this wasn’t our dream house. We’re able to put money away each month for upkeep. And we have peace that comes from knowing we can afford it.

Just in case you were wondering, being in ministry does not mean you automatically live simply or live contentedly. David and I have to humble ourselves and keep learning just like everyone else.

Simple living is worth learning. It really does encourage contentment. Because we’ve intentionally chosen this lifestyle, when a desire comes up I can’t just say, “We can’t afford it,” and feel sorry for myself. Of course there are things we can’t afford, but often it’s a choice. In that way, we’re not victims; we’re living purposefully. We’ve said “no” to something so that we can say “yes” to something else. And that’s a good feeling.

6. Give generously.
I end this post by telling you probably the single biggest help for my contentment, and that is to give our money away.

After hearing a challenge from the pastor of one of our supporting churches a couple years ago, we committed to increase our giving percentage each year. Not because it will make us more righteous; because it will make us more happy.

Where I put my money is where my heart will find joy.

Support-raising for the mission field and for Columbia Presbyterian Church has truly changed our lives. Watching in awe the way friends and family and even perfect strangers have given — having an inside look into what God is doing — has had a profound influence on us.

Our supporters probably have no idea they’re not just giving to us; they’re teaching us. They’re living a life of generosity and that’s contagious. We don’t just see people giving generously — we see the way it fills them up with joy. We see God provide for them and stretch them. We see the way He uses them for His kingdom. We want the same thing for ourselves.

*** I want to say a quick word to those of you who may be struggling with debt and feel despair just reading my words. Don’t. We have friends who have been in large amounts of debt — including credit card debt — and who are now living debt-free. They would say that it’s humbling. It takes a lot of work. It takes being a learner. But you can do it. Here’s a great post at one of my favorite blogs that includes helpful links, including one to Dave Ramsey.