simple holidays, part three.

Many people I talk to long to have purposefully simple holidays but don’t feel like it’s possible to make a change.

The most-repeated reasons I hear for not simplifying this season are 1. not wanting to disappoint other people (family, friends, church, kids), and 2. not wanting to miss out on fun memories.

Well, I don’t think merely not wanting to disappoint people is a good enough reason to do anything. Guess what? You’re going to disappoint people. This is something I’m learning to accept more and more.

You are responsible to make good, life-giving choices for yourself and your family; you’re not responsible for other people’s reactions. In life you’re going to miss out on fun things. We all are. If social media is making you feel chronically bad for the memories you’re not making and the parties you’re not attending and the house yours doesn’t look like, my advice is to get off. I did it close to a year ago and have become a much happier person because I no longer know what I’m missing out on.

Part of the holiday season is humbling ourselves to realize that we can’t do it all. And we shouldn’t. Please don’t let people talk you into believing that being spiritual or loving people means baking cookies for the whole office or doing an Advent craft with your kids every day or making an appearance at every gathering. Being spiritual is a quiet heart full of peace and awe over the God who loved us so much He sent Jesus to earth to live among us.

Think about the long term. Do you want to feel frantic and frazzled in December five years from now? You don’t have to, you know. If you don’t, then sit down right now, either alone or with your spouse and list everything you do in December. Then agree on a very few holiday traditions that are most important for you and your family, that grow your relationships with one another and foster joy. Focus on making those things great and let the rest go.

If you have children, you’re teaching them that God didn’t create us to do everything, and that limits are good and right. You’re teaching them that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that they don’t need to have or do everything they want to be happy. You’re teaching them that relationships are what matters, not busyness or keeping up with everyone else. You’re teaching them that we’re celebrating something way bigger than the way our culture defines Christmas, that we do all of this not to please people, but because we’re full of breathless wonder over the Word made flesh.

If you’re in too deep this year and have already over-committed, don’t beat yourself up. But do make sure to sit down sometime right after the craziness dies down and reflect on how the season made you feel, what were the great parts and the hard parts. Plan to make next year different.

Plan to make it purposefully simple.