priya’s house.

The kids have had a fun week with Priya while David and I are laid up.  They love playing at her apartment, which is a couple miles from where we live.  I sent my camera along to get a glimpse of their day.

Roshan, Amie, and a neighbor friend

Some of you may wonder what it’s like having a full-time house helper/nanny.  As you know, I am very, very grateful for Priya.  She is one-of-a-kind . . . such a hard worker, takes initiative, great sense of humor.  She makes it so fun.

But having house help does come with some challenges.  First of all, I still haven’t adjusted to being someone’s employer.  Sometimes that dynamic is difficult.  It was with Anju and Lilly, and now it can be hard to communicate well with Priya–making sure she knows my expectations, and also to feel the freedom to turn down a request of hers if I need to.

In this culture, your domestic staff considers themselves, in a way, part of your family.  So their troubles become your troubles.  It sounds so selfish, but it does take a lot of energy to listen, encourage, help financially, be flexible with schedules, etc.

I love having her help with the kids . . . both for language studies and for my sicknesses.  But the kids don’t always want to go to her, sometimes they just want their mommy.  That makes her feel bad and me feel bad.  Many language classes are filled with trying to make the kids go to Priya and not come disturb Neetu and me.

Also we can have some discipline tension when they’re spending lots of time with Priya and she doesn’t make them obey like we do.  South Asians interact with kids so differently, and their basic philosophy is “spoil kids rotten when they’re little.” Priya will say, helplessly, “Amie was screaming so I had to keep giving her more sweets!”  I see them treating her disrespectfully and throwing more temper tantrums, so we have to talk through that.

So . . . I’m just explaining to you the realities of having a full-time house helper.  It is a huge help . . . especially in this season of life, but sometimes I miss the days back home in South Carolina with just our little family in our apartment at any given time.