new members class.

Happy November, my friends!

Fall has really and truly come to Columbia.

The leaves typically don’t begin turning until after Halloween, and so here and there a golden or berry-colored tree can be spotted and there’s a pleasing brown crunch underfoot. I love this time of year because windows are thrown open day and night, we’ve pulled out everyone’s sweatpants but don’t yet need jackets, and it’s pleasant enough that the kids want to be outside for large portions of their day.

I love fall.

For our family, fall also means church New Members class, which is one of my favorite things I do as a pastor’s wife.

So I thought I’d tell you all about it today!

 

 

When we started CPC five years ago, the first couple rounds of classes for people to join as members took place at our then-meeting space, the Tapp’s Art Center. During these classes, David shares all about what it means to join a church — and our particular church in our particular denomination specifically — in one or two class sessions, with questions and discussion.

After attending this class, people meet with two elders to share their personal testimony of conversion, and the final step of the membership process is to stand together in a group during a Sunday morning worship service to take membership vows.

At the core, our church’s vision has always been the same: to be disciple-making disciples in a church-planting church, and a good portion of the class explains practically what that means for people interested in joining us.

Those early classes went just fine, and we welcome in our first couple of groups of members, but something about the process felt a little off to David and me. All of the ministries of our church are, at their heart, relational, and one of our biggest vehicles for growing relationships in our midst is through hospitality — regularly having one another in our homes.

We realized that it just didn’t feel right to be appealing to newcomers to practice hospitality in a nondescript office conference room.

After that first year, we decided: We want to have this class at our house.

 

 

And so we did!

Our plan for the New Members class has evolved over the last four years, through trial and error. We’ve experimented a bit with different formats and had dozens of people in our home. And we’ve settled on our favorite routine.

Originally, we thought it would be best to offer these classes quarterly, because we thought an intimate gathering of a dozen or so people would be a good venue for opening up and sharing. But we soon learned that bigger is better for a class like this. Larger actually feels less intimidating to folks, encourages livelier discussion, and gives people more chances to meet others. Twenty to thirty people in a class seems to be the perfect size.

Plus, larger feels more like a party to me, and I love that homey, celebratory atmosphere as people are being welcomed into the CPC family.

So now we offer our New Members class twice a year, in the fall and in the spring, and we hold it on two consecutive Sundays, from 4-6pm.

When people arrive for that first class, there are pots of turkey chili bubbling away on the stove, and after about an hour of teaching and discussion, we all eat dinner together, sitting perched on chairs around the living room and spilling out onto the back porch and the pavilion picnic table.

Rather than dinner for our second class, we have pot-luck appetizers and snacks.

 

 

I love having people in our home.

I’ve loved it since the moment David and I got married, but I was also rather terrified to try it. Thankfully I have a husband who also loves having people in our home, and who was pretty fearless about it.

I cut my teeth on hospitality through weekly spaghetti nights in our single-wide trailer with small groups of veterans that David brought home weekly from the halfway house where he taught the Bible. Those men were the easiest, most gracious group of guests you’ll meet. They were full of stories to share to keep conversation flowing, and thanked me constantly, even when the spaghetti pasta glooped together and the sauce was watery. And somehow I didn’t seem to know what salt was back then.

I cooked meal after embarrassing meal and my skills improved a bit and we branched out to inviting over friends and family.

So when I stand before you today, telling you I can have a group of 30 over for dinner without much fuss, know that this is the desire of my heart, but also — and much more importantly — it’s a skill I’ve practiced for going on 15 years.

 

 

The more I practice it, the more comfortable I feel and the more I enjoy it.

I think everyone needs to discover their personal hospitality style.

We’ve got friends who routinely serve take-out pizza, a Costco salad, and beer to dinner guests. And other friends of ours cook complex made-from-scratch organic meals and serve food in a home filled with flickering candles and fresh flowers on every surface. And we’ve encountered pretty much everything in-between.

We’ve had the blessing of being a guest at many tables, and I’ll tell you something as a guest: truly it doesn’t matter what you serve. It doesn’t! A pizza dinner, served in love and friendliness, is every bit as special as a five-course meal. People are genuinely thrilled at being given a night off figuring what to eat for dinner in their own home, and just feel touched to be invited to your house.

It’s important to discover your own hospitality style, because you’ll feel the most yourself and the most at ease in your favorite style, and your guests can tell the difference.

 

 

I’ve done both types of serving, and while I love fancy dinners at times, I’ve decided that my hosting style is very, very casual. My food is casual, and I’m casual. I wear jeans and t’shirts when guests come over, because that’s what I wear every day.

I’m also often known to order pizza and serve a Costco salad (thank you Rachel and Claire for showing me how life-changing this is), but, my typical preference to serve folks we invite over is soup. Easy soup. Soup that feeds a big crowd. If it’s summer, we may grill chicken instead.

Thus: we have chili at New Members class.

And not just any chili, my friends, turkey chili.

Why, you ask?

Because after more than 20 new members’ Sundays, I’ve learned what the major food allergies are! And so the soup recipe has evolved. Ground turkey is a safe bet (assuming the guests eat meat, and it seems so far, here in the deep South, that they all do). It’s gluten, dairy, corn, and nut free.

But have no fear: we also have lots of toppings for those who want gluten, dairy, corn, and nuts. If you can believe it, our family had never heard of serving Fritoes on chili until a New Members class a few years ago, when one of the guests brought a bag and we were thunderstruck at the result.

See, New Members class is life-changing!

David always asks two or three guests to bring a dessert that first night.

I’ll let you in on a little Gentino hosting secret: If there’s someone who’s on the fence about attending, that’s who we ask to bring a dessert.

Pretty sneaky, huh? Works every time.

 

 

We had 30 people here for this past month’s class, so I multiplied my trusty chili recipe by 4, and as you can see from above, it was just enough.

So now I’ll get more practical, because I’ve learned so much about how to pull this off.

The main lesson is for having people in our home is this: the less stressed and rushed I feel, the more I’ll have fun with our guests and be able to think about them, and not about me. Also, the less miserable I’ll make my family. And it’s really important not to make my family miserable when having people over, because I want them to love it like I do.

David and I work as a team for hosting groups. He takes care of getting the backyard in shape, where, if the weather’s nice, the kids all run and play, and then he makes himself available to help me in the house.

Can I be perfectly honest?

We’ve had many, many arguments over the course of our marriage about having people over. Many! Why? Because it’s work! It’s stressful! It exposes each of our selfishness and insecurities!

But there’s hope, friends: If you press on, it gets better.

We’re fighting about it less and less these days, and working as a team more. Communication is really important. Knowing one another’s expectations is important. Learning to compromise is important. Most of all, giving each other the benefit of the doubt is important (Oh, you had no idea I wanted you to vacuum the entire house today? Of course you didn’t, I never mentioned it!)

I loved the class we just had because more than any other in the week leading up to it, David and I got along with each other, talked things through, encouraged one another, and generally found ourselves in a pleasant mood for the duration.

Hooray for growth!

 

 

Here’s how I’ve learned to stay organized:

I keep an Evernote shopping list for that first class, right down to paper goods and cases of bottled water and La Croix (because apparently no one drinks sweet tea or soda any more). So I shop for the class on Friday afternoon. It’s important to keep this trip separate from our weekly family shop so that I don’t make myself crazy. So this past month, I ordered our own week of groceries from Wal-Mart, picked them up and put everything away, then went to Publix for the church shop.

Saturday is the house cleaning day. The older I get, the more casual my house-cleaning becomes. Twenty-three year old Julie would be appalled at what constitutes a weekly clean for 36-year-old Julie. Lysol wipes and the Swiffer are my friends.

I post a list of everything I want cleaned for Sunday afternoon, and the kids pitch in to help David outside and me inside.

Saturday night, after dinner is cleaned up, I chop all the onions and bell peppers for chili. Somehow, just the act of doing that one thing the night before helps.

 

 

Sunday morning we have church of course, and then home for a quick lunch and, because I’m an introvert and have been with people all morning, I make sure to put my feet up with a cup of hot tea and a book for 45 minutes.

After that, David and I reconvene. He moves the TV to the closet and sets up the living room for the meeting, and I start the chili.

And then, at 4:00, people arrive!

This is the fun part, you guys.

The work has been done, the house smells clean, the soup is simmering, and I get to take off my apron and hang out.

Our children’s directors organize a couple of ladies from church to come help take care of kids outside during the class. While David’s teaching, I split my time between finishing up dinner prep and hanging out with the crew outdoors.

 

 

I love the way time passes and you see growth and change.

For the first two years after we adopted Gabe and Noah, David’s folks served us by taking the boys to their house during New Members class. I remember reaching the point last year where I realized, We don’t need it anymore. It really doesn’t stress me out to have the boys around.

That was an amazing moment.

I want New Members class to be a family affair. This is why hospitality is my very favorite ministry. Everyone is wanted and needed. Even if you don’t have kids or a spouse, you are wanted and needed.

I tell my little boys, “We need you here because you’re so friendly and fun, and you make people feel welcome. You can greet people at the door and then play with the kids so when they show up at church on Sunday they’ll see you and feel at home.”

And they do it, with gusto.

I love watching all four of our kids during those Sunday afternoons and truly anytime we have people over. They have regular practice talking to adults, hosting people in our home, and they’re all four friendly and engaging. This is a gift from the Lord to David and me. Yes, we’ve taught them these skills, but friendliness and a genuine interest in other people aren’t things you can force. They are fruits growing in each of our kids’ lives.

 

 

I enjoy decorating and organize our house and make it a place of beauty.

But things are never perfect when we host. We held the class for several years with a single tiny bathroom.

A low point for me was the New Members class that happened mid-construction for our master bedroom addition. You guys. Our yard was a mud pit, there was blue tarp covering the wall, and much worse, our roof had been replaced that weekend. We had the roofers go over and over the yard with their magnetic machine, pulling up nails, but I was terrified a small child would get hurt. Many tears were shed that weekend.

But that class was fun! God protected everyone, and they saw us in our mess.

Now the master bedroom is finished, but this fall the irony is that the sink in our other bathroom was broken so once again . . . down to one bathroom. Ah well.

I tell you all of this to say: please, please don’t wait until your house is perfect to have people over. It never will be. And if you do that, you’ll be having them over for the wrong reasons. People love to see you as a real, imperfect person and your home as a work in progress. It helps them feel at ease. Actually it helps them feel loved, because they think, Wow, this person wanted to have me over enough to do it mid-project.

 

 

Mostly I pray that whatever shape it’s in, our house will be a haven of peace and rest for those who come inside of it, New Members or otherwise. I pray that it’s a safe place, where people feel at home and accepted by our family, like they can breathe a sigh of relief. And then kick off their shoes and put their feet up on the coffee table.

I pray that they feel like they don’t need to have it all together, but they can be real, as they see us be real.

 

 

My very favorite part about New Members class is the opportunity to see what God is doing.

He’s the One who brings these people to CPC, not us. Very few come from a direct invitation from David or me. They’re invited by others, see us on the internet, live in the area. It’s the most beautiful thing to see complete strangers drawn together by the Holy Spirit and begin to become a family.

Some of my best friends were once in a New Members class. Some of my mentors and my children’s dearest friends and people David and I go on double dates with, and so many who God has used to make me more like Jesus.

And it’s beautiful to me to imagine and pray over what future groups will bring to our body, in God’s perfect time.

 

 

Julie’s New Members Class Chili
Serves 6*

(adapted from this recipe)

2 TBSP olive oil
1 lb. ground turkey
1 onion, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced
1 can mild Rotel
1 16oz can tomato sauce
2 TBSP chili powder
2 TBSP cumin
1/2 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp salt
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
(and if, like me in the photo above, you find you didn’t buy enough black or kidney beans, feel free to supplement whatever’s in your cupboard, like cannellini!)
1 cup chicken broth

In medium Dutch oven over medium high heat, heat olive oil, add ground turkey. Cook until meat is browned, add onions and peppers and cook until softened. Drain excess grease. Add spices and cook a minute, then add tomatoes and sauce and chicken broth, stir to combine. Add beans, mix and bring to a simmer. Cook on low heat 1-2 hours.

Serve topped with shredded cheese, sour cream, green onions, and, of course, Fritoes!

*When I make this for our family, I double the recipe which gives us two full meals. We either freeze the second half, or eat in for leftovers a couple days later.