day 6: living within my purpose.

On Friday I shared an example of how a good thing in my life turned bad without a defined purpose. Here’s the process of how I began to find my bearings and quiet the noise of purposeless busyness.

It helped to start by listing the non-negotiables: God. David. My kids. That was simple enough. The other parts of my life are where things got murky, but I just starting listing them too.

I realized that my children’s education is absolutely a priority for the next 13+ years. I don’t have to homeschool, but I want to. David and I have decided together that it’s what’s best for our family right now.

Therefore, homeschooling has to be my next priority. It’s a more important ministry for me to pursue than church work. Accepting this isn’t always easy but it helps me enormously to know how to order my week. If I don’t have energy for spending time with God, for being an attentive, serving wife to David, for engaging with my kids, and for homeschooling, then my priorities are off and something needs to change.

After clarifying those priorities, David and I sat down together and decided the 2-3 most important ways I could serve our church. I love the idea of open-door hospitality, and because I saw friends doing it well I thought being a good pastor’s wife meant I should do it.

But that’s not my personality or David’s. We love people and we’re also introverts who need a quiet home sometimes in order to recharge. So David has helped me think through ways I can serve our church that fit better with my personality and with the season our family is in.

The specific ways I serve CPC have shifted several times already over these last two years as both our family and church needs have changed. For this season my priorities are: connecting with new-comers on Sunday mornings, once-a-week hospitality, and pursuing friendships with women Life Group leaders. That’s it!

As I processed through all of this, my purpose began to emerge. My life purpose is to worship and glorify the God who made me and saved me. I do this by spending time with Him: reading my Bible, talking to Him, and just being His daughter.

I do this by taking care of myself, by serving my husband and growing our marriage, by taking care of our children and having a relationship with them, by home schooling, by serving in our church in a few specific ways, and by making friends with neighbors, non-Christians, and people different from me.

I can turn the above sentences into questions and they act as a barometer of my busyness: Am I spending regular time with God? Am I taking care of myself by sleeping enough, exercising, seeing friends, pursuing hobbies that interest me?

Is my marriage growing? Am I spending time with David and really getting to know him better? Do I have the energy to give him my full attention and listen when we have a conversation? Am I doing the same with Judah and Amie? Are we able to get through our homeschooling goals each day? Am I serving my church in a few meaningful ways? Do I have time in my life for meeting neighbors and getting to know people who are different from me?

Answering these questions on a regular basis helps to orient me. You can see the answers will mean I do lead a busy life, but it’s a good busy because it’s being busy with the right things for this season.

Staying oriented to my purpose means I say “no” a whole lot. It means that there are needs in the church that I do not volunteer to fill. There are friends I’m not able to stay in touch with. I rarely host play dates and I don’t formally disciple women. I don’t participate in a Bible study or Mom’s group.

Please know that this is a process, friends, not something I can change overnight. Some weeks it feels like one step forward and two steps back. Bit by bit, I’m learning. Admitting that I can’t do everything and asking God to instead help me learn to do just a few things well helps to quiet my stress and increase my joy.

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