day 17: a letter to baby #3.

Dear sweet baby,

Today we got approved for adoption; we’re now officially a Waiting Family.

You have no idea what this means to me.

You’ve been in my heart for such a long time. Did you know that we tried to start the adoption process to meet you when Judah was just a year old? But God closed the door then, and He gave us sweet Amelie.

Then we moved to another country and we thought surely you would be waiting for us there. Once again, God’s answer was, “No.”

We had to move back home and my heart was so sad. I was really sick. I missed the place and the friends we left and my heart ached so much for you. I asked, “Please, now God?” But He said, “No.” It felt like we had nothing: no house, no job, no answers.

But I trusted Him. He is good and strong and He takes care of us. I knew I was holding on too tight, that I needed to let you go.

And we needed time to heal. We got a job we loved. We bought a house we love. We started to put down roots. I was content. But deep down in my heart there was a sad place. I’d been so sure God had you in mind for us.

I looked at our family and it was such a gift but I felt like someone was missing. I’ve never thought of Amie as our youngest child. We’ve been so happy as a family of four but to me it’s felt . . . quiet. But the door was closed and life was full and all around me there were babies to hold and love.

And then this March everything changed. God threw open the door and we walked forward, tentatively.

It’s been 7 months since then. It’s been a lot of paperwork and planning and saving and a lot of waiting, and I’ll admit some fear. That door had been closed so many times, would it close again?

But guess what: today’s the day our door is officially open for good. This is a really, really special day. We’ve come to the end of this long road and now we know: one day soon you’re going to be with us.

I want you to know that my heart is overflowing with happiness right now. I want you to know how much I love you and that the four of us can’t wait to meet you. I want you to know that all these years of waiting and moving here and there have been worth it because it’s you God wants to bring to us. He’s known that all along.

And I am so happy to wait a little more now, as long as it takes, for God to put you in my arms. I’m standing right here.

I love you,

Mommy